That's him... The Emporer's (sic) Champion. So tall he does not fit in a doorway, every inch of him carried with the grim dignity of a ceremonial blade--and the room falls to silence around him. Have you heard? — That sword at his hip can cleave armour like it were flesh, and flesh like it were butter. Barehanded, he can tear a man apart like a cooked chicken, and he does so without a hint of mercy nor passion. Neither blade nor bolt nor blow can fell him, they say--his ferocity sustains through injury which would kill most any man. Once, your friend Barry assures, Sir Heron felled three dozen men whilst he had a ballista bolt stuck through his belly like a collector's insect, and only stopped to be healed by his fleshmage once the battle was won. When you look upon this knight, it suddenly seems like the stories could actually be true.
Such a sight will inevitably fill you with either a swell of patriotism or an awed disgust--the same sort of feeling as what might, several hundred years later, be evoked by an incredibly powerful and expensive state-of-the-art military aircraft.
Sir Heron is his majesty's champion/right hand/bodyguard. Unassailable and incorruptible if only you ignore that whole thing he's got going with the emporess (sic).
He's exactly the same as regular Heron except that in this universe he is cool and epic. traded in the dyspraxia for an invincible sword; can and will cleave you in twain if you so much as think one unflattering thought about the empore (sic). Fear is a favorite weapon of his, and he is very good at inspiring it.
Has a four-digit killcount in only five years of tenure, but that's only because every dinnertable scene ends with ~10 bad guys jumping out from various hiding places; Heron sighing heavily. Throwing down his cutlery. Dabbing the corner of his mouth with a napkin, and then getting up and hacking the would-be assassins into giblets while the royal couple continue their meal with jaded dignity.
Spends all the time he's not protecting the emporer (sic) or the forbidden love of his life emporess (--you get the picture by now, that's just how they spell it in Kansia) pursuing The Way Of The Warrior in the Kansian dojo. Practicing Kansian jujitsu with a bunch of other heaving sweating seminaked men on a daily basis has made him 3x saner than prime!heron despite all the murder. Truly he is living his best possible life.
Stronger than an ox, and his matrix-vision makes him seem crazy fast. Nigh-unkillable due to the force of repressed sexuality and sheer rage ( and the very well-paid fleshmages employed to keep patching him up).
Babyboy is sooo overpowered and we like it that way. Just like Lancelot <3. Too bad the Horrors we throw at him are not the kind you can make go away by stabbing them in the face.
Look, it doesn't matter. Don't worry about it. Sir Heron is a Knight of the Holy Frigatebird, and nothing else he did in his past life should matter to you or to anyone. So what if he was the bastard son of a whore. So what if he survived the razing of his town, only to be forced under the thumb of said raiders and ground into subservience to them, and so what if he was one of them as a boy of thirteen. So what if he resorted to thieving and backstabbing to fund his alvium habit, and they threw him away like the trash he was. None of that matters now.
What matters is that one day he saved the life of a noble boy, and the boy’s father was moved enough by this act of altruism from this scruffy urchin to give him the opportunity to get on his feet, on the condition he would quit the drug habit. Heron, shockingly, obliged. Furthermore, he became friends with the boy he’d rescued, who’s name was Xavier. Zooming forward a bit the two were soon fast friends and Xavie’s papa is financing training for him to be Xavie’s basically-bodyguard, since xavie is always getting himself into trouble with his whole wandering bard thing. If Heron swears to look after xavier with his life, Xave’s dad will let him join his house, legitimising him. Heron is more than keen. And he has yet to let Xavier down.
Not everyone has the same opinion of the Emperor's Champion.
Plenty of people think he’s a hero. Some do think he's an idiot for genuflecting to the head of a quickly-crumbling Kansian Empire—an impotent, unworthy emperor in way over his head after the catastrophic wiping of the previous dynasty (you know he was a minstrel before he was the Emperor? Why godblood is bestowed upon people like this, we will never know!). Some think he is a sadistic brute—after all, he did personally head the decimation of a town which was a hotbed of revolution, murdering hundreds of what many consider relatively-innocent citizens of the empire—people he's oath-bound to protect. Indeed, his low birth is a status of contention too—a roving bard, a bastard legitimised only by worming his way into the heart and the of fellow musician who would become the emperor—surely nothing good can come of installing someone with such lowly blood in the greatest halls of power. Yet others whisper absolutely damning rumours about dalliances with the Empress herself—though most agree he would never stoop to acts of treason, especially not the cool and sexy type.
What everyone can agree on, however begrudgingly, is that this man is really fucking good at his job.
In the name of God, I find my mark—motto on the obverse of a razorcoin.
Heron is the most epic knight of the extremely epic Knights of the Holy Frigatebird—the holiest and closest to the Emperor. A position in this order is not one conferred from noble birth, rather it is bestowed on two criteria: 1) being an unbelievably bad-ass battlemage, seriously you have to be so badass and 2) swearing COMPLETE fealty to the crown, and to forgo all earthly attachments as long as you live, in ultimate servitude to the Emperor and God Herself (or Himself—there’s a dual-nature thing going on there and 4000 years of lore I promise not to get into). Since Heron has a real knack for killing the fuck out of people as well as an almost-perverse obsession with ascetic self-denial born of guilt too gruesome for me to get into here, this one’s a no-brainer.
KotHF aren’t allowed personal possessions other than stuff they use for Imperial Service. They aren’t allowed friends, they *certainly* aren’t allowed lovers, and they have to spend every minute of every day making themselves more useful to the Emperor (an extension of God), whether this is protecting the empire, going on Holy Quests, fostering goodwill/reverence for the crown among the people via acts of chivalry/badassery, or diligently honing one’s mind body and spirit in the dojo to do all of this even better. If you think this sounds like Heron’s ideal life, you are almost entirely correct.
"I will make streets run with blood if it is your will."
Standing a head and shoulders above every other man you know, possessed of monstrous strength and literally-supernatural speed, Sir Heron is a warrior without peer. The Emperor has armed him with an invincible sword which looks like a shaft of moonlight and chimes like a massive temple bell when struck, and a thousand silver razors which obey his command like glittering shoals of fish and rain down upon the battlefield to devastating effect—looking very stylish all the while on a great black warhorse in his great black armour. Scariest of all is the sheer ferocity—he seems to shrug off wounds which should kill another man in pursuit of his quarry, and indeed, put himself in such harm's way if it means scoring a kill. The fleshmages responsible for patching him up constantly are payed very handsomely indeed.
You'd think getting hit in the head with a mace every couple of months would diminish one's intellectual potential, but not so. Knights of the Holy Frigatebird are priests and poets as much as they are warriors, and Sir Heron is a genuine polymath, diligent in his pursuit of excellence in not only in the martial arts but also such things as music, philosophy, science, mathematics, and (most of all--though everything else ultimately is a form of it too) devout worship of the Great Bird. He lives to work, and devotes himself to the tenants of the KotHF until his dying breath.
"Is there a problem, citizen?"
He maintains a cop-like distance from everyone he speaks to. Unlike a real cop, he's genuinely all-in on the "protect and serve" thing, and it applies to every citizen of the empire from the lowliest peasant to the grandest noble. All* are equal in the eyes of God, so he shall serve them without preference provided he has time, and that your request does not interfere with his other duties. *Non-citizens, nonhumans, criminals, and anyone deemed an enemy of the Empire, of course, may be slaughtered with impunity.
Okay, well all this sounds great, and clearly the plot armour is clearly legend tier. What drama can possibly befall such a paragon? Why, the only thing befitting of a low fantasy opera of course: love.
”If I could but lay my head in thy lap… I would be gentle as a lamb.”
It all started out legitimately enough. The Emperor needs a bride to establish a dynasty—and not just any bride: she has to be godblooded. What does this mean? It’s a RNG based stat everyone gets, how divine your blood objectively, measurably is. In order to win a spot on the throne, you need the most of it. (You also need to be of legitimate birth, but only if you're a man.) So the Emperor puts out the Imperial feelers and finds a girl with a crazy amount of godblood in her. She’s a commoner (or, at least she lives as one now—long story I won’t go into), somewhere on the other side of the continent, and her name is Susan. Sir Heron is dispatched to quickly and discreetly escort her into Tan’s waiting hand. Easy. She comes willingly, and doesn’t talk much. It’s so easy. At first.
Except when she does start talking, it’s in an astute, well-spoken monotone about how glad she is to have a purpose and how much she is looking forward to access to the great imperial library, and also how interested she is in philosophy and alchemy and civil engineering and cartography and the study of nature and everything else around them on this beautiful earth in the driest most scientific terms possible and ohhh god oh fuck Heron had no idea girls like this existed. He keeps it to himself of course—though when he gets da lute out on a starry night by the campfire she watches rapt, and oh are they in mega autism love now? Bigtime. Both of them are too lawful and obedient to *do* anything about it, mind—a fact which just makes them all the more perfect in each other’s eyes. But it’s okay. Heron knows Xavier is a good man and that he will treat her correctly, and to marry such a handsome emperor is the ultimate dream of every girl, so it’s all going to go well for her, right? :)
She’s married swiftly to Emperor Tan, and it’s great. Empire rejoice. Sue’s half-brother who’d been taking care of her before all this is offered a cushy job in the castle. Heron and Sue put their respective longing away with utmost dignity and only torture themselves with each other’s carefully-distanced presence as a treat. It’s still so very pure and they feel soooo very guilty about even this.
There’s just one little thing. The whole point of having a godblooded wife is that she might produce a godblooded heir. Susan is not very good at this. In fact all her god blood just keeps pouring out of her along with miscarriage after miscarriage. In a few years, she’s dying. None of the court fleshwizards can save her. MAYBE Xave should let her die and settle for a lesser-godblooded chick, but Susan is an order of magnitude better than any other woman they've found, and the dropped cost is real, so. Yeah.
Heron is starting to feel a itty little bit of resentment towards his bro the Emperor now, seeing all the vitality bled from those eyes which once held such genius. But his feelings don’t matter he’s a KotHF after all it’s his duty to just stand by and watch.
Increasingly desperate, the Emporer employs the best physicians, even ones from across the seas… and even (gasp) elfs. Eventually they’re onto a bit of a winner and they listen to some halfway decent medical advice enough that she stops dying. So that’s nice. Since if she dies, Heron’s heart shall die with her.
Not that it matters at all. It totally does not, he’s totally married to God and it does not matter it does not matter to his Duty it does not it does not. Heron’s not even mad that the Emperor treats her worse than a broodmare, noooo sir. Except he really is, and no amount of meditation and calligraphy is going to make it better. If you’re wondering where the sadomasochistic battlerage comes from, it is here. He gets into hunting and killing the slipperiest criminals vigilante style off the clock as an excuse to feel better about himself. It’s a bit pathetic.
Hey, remember how Susan has that half brother, who Xave gave a nice treasury job to just to be nice? His name’s Why. He’s a really good treasurer. He’s also embezzling the fuck out of it and pumping the money into organised crime around the city, turning a tidy profit in the process. Now, remember how Heron’s little hobby is wrecking criminal’s absolute shit? He inevitably sniffs out Why’s little operation and drags him before the court to face JUSTICE.
Except wait. Wait. No, he can’t just execute this guy—despite everything, Susan still loves her brother, and she has suffered *so* much already. Sir Heron sets forth punishment and rehabilitation instead of death. The Emperor thinks this sounds pretty good, so Why is slapped in the dungeon and Heron takes it upon himself to MK Ultra this man until he comes out nice and normal and obedient.
This begins two months of extensive starvation, mindfuckery and pontification. Heron gets really into this role as Why’s personal saviour, and Why is happy to tell Heron anything he wants to hear as long as this fucking psychopath will stop starving him to death. And yes, Heron’s still 100% convinced he’s doing this all for love. Hey, in this light and at this level of emaciation, Why really does kind of looks like his sister. Ignore that. Hey Why, what if I hand you this dagger and let you slit my throat will you do it will you do it. No?? Good boy. This is intense and it fucks them both up quite a bit.
Anyway—would you look at that, Susan has found them all something better to do: go on a Holy Quest to save the fucking world. She, Xavier, and Why, with their combined godbloodedness, must venture to the Old City, to the Tomb of God’s Heart. It’s a whole thing.
Haven't typed this up niceys yet, but here are some places he goes in his campaign:
The Emporer has armed him (and his other best knights) with an invincible sword made of a magic white metal, and he weilds it with monsterous strength. It chimes like a massive temple bell when struck. It also obeys his telekinesis. Yeah, he’s got that too, but it only works on silver, gold, and ashsteel.
As a mage, Heron can see enchantment on objects. As a specifically-telekinetic mage of elite training, he can also see the momentum of all objects. A kick, a thrust from a weapon, or the arc of a thrown ball will follow a trace Heron can see before it happens. This makes him very hard to hit, and also very apt to wreck you in combat.
Sir Heron has formidable command of telekinesis. Unfortunately, it only works on noble metals. Fortunately, the emporer supplies him with hundreds of silver yes we know silver is too soft irl but do you really want to stop suspending your desbelief this late in the game? Yeah I thought not razors to help him make people die. He can rain these down on a battlefield, or form a sheild from archers. Even more: Being uniform playing-card-sized kite-shaped bits of coin silver, each one is actually legal tender—they're stamped on one side with a portrait of the Emporer, sword in hand; on the obverse, a heron killing a snake, and an ominous motto in Old Kansian. He'll pay for stuff with them on a regular basis (politely blunting them first if he likes you) so there's actually a few of them in circulation (either that scavenged from battlefields). Some may consider killing enemies of the state with literal (albeit oddly shaped) money to be a little on the nose, but they're still a numismatist's wet dream.
Everybody :) by Roqi. From left to right: Emporer Xavier Tan, Emporess Susan Tan, Lord Wayne White, Sir Heron, Ryn the jester, Iroro "Ida Noe" Medekhgui the physician.
If the emperor says to kill some guy right in the middle of the conference heron's on it no questions 🫡
Styling some Kansian menswear.
Styling some Kansian athletic nudity. after that bit where he got healed by god I suppose, since otherwise he should be one big chunk of scar tissue
Level 100 chivalry enablest thee to play the lute while wearing gauntlets.
Fancy.
I made a razorcoin irl.... turns out my silver paint is fucked so you get the archeological dig version instead. sorry xave for making you look like a star trek alien in your portrait
Me trying and failing to make him not look like the horrible lovechild of Rowan Atkinson and Kylo Ren.
In the dungeon depths, by the hellish light of the military issue Orb™, Sir Heron administers a little sippie to his prisoner Why. Ruinous image by Roqi.
The good thing about having all your blorboes be AUs of the same guy is that this one portrait can do it all.
See also: This 5-page canon-divergent comic.
Looks more like Adrien Brody now. Don't think about how much it would suck to sit in a saddle whilst wearing such a metal skirt.
Epic Artfight art by quiggloo.